| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|10:49 pm] |
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i finally realised that you're not right for me, and it feels so good |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2009|06:20 pm] |
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no matter what happens you're always in my mind |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|09:44 pm] |
i need to move on from this.
the most frustrating thing is that this situation is all my own fault, if i had just realised a bit soonernjust how good things could have been i'd have saved myself from that the hurt that came after.
sigh |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2009|10:49 pm] |
I need you so much closer, so come on...
I'm such an idiot. Hindsight truly is a wonderful thing, but whats for you won't go by you right? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|06:36 pm] |
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I should know where I am with you but I don't. I'm not even sure I know how to define it anymore. To anyone on the outside it may appear to be the perfect match but deep down i know you'll never feel for me the way i feel for you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|09:39 am] |
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When I go out I find myself comparing everyone to you which is ridiculous because it's not like there's anything going on between us. I'm being so pathetic about the whole thing, if I get a text and it's not from you i'm disappointed. What has happened to me? I shouldn't be dwelling on this in the slightest it's not worth the energy. But still I do when I know deep down that you just don't care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2008|06:34 pm] |
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everyday it just tears me apart that little bit more |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2008|11:45 pm] |
some people go through mental torture not by choice, i on the other hand appear to go looking for it. really i should accept he's not interested and just leave it, that would be sensible oui? but NOOOO i have to go texting him, wait 24 hours for a response (which was sort of favourabl but again that could be the over analyst in me!) then text back only for my message not to be delievered 5 hours later. fuck i am a loser. this is actually turning me into some sort of crazy woman. Earlier on I even dug out the manual for my phone just to check if it said anything abot delivery reports.
why am i doing this?
nothing else is going to happen, i should get over it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2008|10:22 pm] |
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forget him forget him forget him |
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| Writer's Block: Let Down |
[Feb. 23rd, 2008|11:44 am] |
when I was ill and no one noticed that i needed proper help. then the only person to finially make me seek help was someone i was barely friends with.
now one of my other friends is suffering from a similiar condition and everyone has rallied roun to help. it makes me feel let down because no one was there for me, like no one cared.
luckily i'm pretty much better but the feeling still stays. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|11:23 pm] |
Onwards and upwards.
It's funny how things change, recently i've been happier in the company of the people that you'd least expect and others (how are supposed to be closer to me) i feel i don't know at all. Things that are morally wrong don't form the basis of true lasting friendship, neither does being intentionally nasty with a nice front.
I know if someone treated me like that i'd feel like shit, and wouldn't be able to cover it up like they can, whilst still pretending that the sun shines out of their arse.
Perhaps we'll never see eye to eye, especially in light of recent events. I wish they all could see what i see, spoilt, cold and manipulative. Maybe one day the truth will come tumbling out like an out of control flame. Hmmm.
Some people come into your life for just a moment and change things, but i always end up thinking of what could be rather than accepting the reality of most situations. Maybe i'm supposed to be alone for the time being...but truth be told i'm sick of being on my own...it gets lonely... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2007|08:28 pm] |
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just when i'm getting better, getting over you, you always seem to swoop back in for s plit second, get my hopes up and then nothing. fuck. it's never different but each time i belueve it might be, by building myself up and then nothing, nothings ever going to fucking change |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|10:06 pm] |
i need to get over this, fantasises don't become reality, and wishing my life away hoping for your call is not doing me any good. everytime i think maybe it's you, what if its you, if only it was you...
in other news some people can just fuck right off. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|08:25 pm] |
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I'm lonely,I am, it's palpable... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|08:51 pm] |
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
maybe if iscream somebody might just hear my calls. so anyways things are ok at the moment, although my two main issues arent resolved. one will never be resolved, well not by myself anyway as it's outwith my control ; the ball being most firmly in his court. i try to brush it off and pretend that yeah ok it bothered me for a second but really i'm over it; but inside i'm crushed. to quote atonement "come back, come back to me" ok slightly over dramatic and completely different concept as it's his choice to leave and he probably doesn't want me, as opposed to james mc avoy who is taken away and loves cee. wow majorly side tracked but as i was saying; if he came back; to me, even for a bit maybe things could work out. if i hadn't let old insecurities rule my head; if i hadn't been so stupid and closed minded perhaps we could be together...
i hate sounding all teenage angsty but its never going to work out and i want it to so badly it hurts every corner of my being.
ok, for the more serious issue, its still there slowly festering away. a few bad habits have resurface; its so easy to lie sometimes.i'm still deeply unhappy at how i let myself go and my current condition. but i did it once and i know i can do it again. being happy in thatrespect means theres one less thing to worry about |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|09:03 pm] |
The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how
The clouds above opened up and let it out
I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean
Making islands where no island should go
Oh, no
Most people were overjoyed; they took to their boats
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door
Have been silenced forevermore
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh, no
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
So come on, come on
So come on, come on
So come on, come on
So come on, come on
instead of just quoting random lyrics, i finially feel that these do apply. and for once i wish they didn't... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|10:40 pm] |
everything seems tp be reminding me of you these days. it's pathetic how watching couples, be it in real life or on tv reminds me of what could have been if on;y i'd have ;et you in or given us a chance. i think of the trips we could have gone on togehter, films at the cinema. the other day i saw a singer on tv and you're the only one who would have found it funny. whenever i'm in a silly mood you're the only one who would laugh alongside me, or make fun of me for being so silly.
i feel like i'm in over my head; and it's all pointless, nothingness. it's too late, and i've made it that way. I could tell you how much you mean to me, how i want you more than anything else, beg for another chance and explain why i acted the way i did. but it's too hard. you probably hate me anyway. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2007|10:34 pm] |
i want you now more than ever; and now it's reached the time where i can't ever have you. so much wasted time and missed opportunites - and for what? because I can't get over this. it swings from one extreme to the other and instead of getting better i now want to go back to the way it was. but getting back into the way of restricting is so hard; i look at old photos and other people might think i look unwell - but to me i look good; the way i;ve always wanted to look. and for once iin my life i liked the way i looked, and now its all ruined i'm back where i started and it hurts, being a fat ass.
i wish you could give me a signthat you still care; that we could maybe try again although i know i'm asking too much. maybe if i could explain things you would understand what i did what i did, but i can't - its mixture of shame and awkwardness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|12:10 am] |
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when someone special comes into your life don't let them go. sometimes no matter what happens you've got to let them back in, because in the end it's worth more. |
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